Don’t Be Cynical
This quote from Conan O’Brien’s last night really resonated for me:
And all I ask is one thing…and this is…I’m asking this particularly of young people that watch…please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it’s my least favorite quality. It doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you. Amazing things will happen. I’m telling you. It’s just true.
–Conan O’Brien, 1.22.2010
(via Luxinaustin)
A spiritual experience and the nature of crystals and energy.
WARNING: This post has quite a lot of rambling.
Today I went to the HOPE Farmers Market on the East Side with my spiritual brother N, his girlfriend C and his daughter M. It’s was 68 degrees, sunny and clear, the perfect day to spend time with loved ones. After we’d mulled around the market, C wanted to check out Nature’s Treasure, a gemstone-type store. We were all game, so we crossed the street and entered the warehouse in which the store was housed.
Couple things to know before we continue with the story.
First off: When I was young, I LOVED stones and minerals. In fact, in college I almost switched to Geology because I loved stones so much. There were a couple of stones I was really attracted to, mainly quartz, garnet, hematite and halite. When I worked at a craft store, I used to love to make necklaces from pieces of stones. One that I wore all the time was made from hematite and garnet. The manager of the store, an older woman named Flo, would tell me to be careful with garnet because it can inflame passion and lust.
Second: After years of denying my spirituality, I’ve started meditation and chakra work again. What I’m discovering is that my upper chakras are open and healthy (although admittedly sometimes they might be too open), and my lower chakras are progressively more blocked. The root chakra needs a lot of work.
For those not familiar with chakras, they are energy centers that run up and down the center of our body. The first chakra, the root chakra, is closer to the earth and helps ground us. The crown chakra at the top of the head is closer to heaven and is connected to spirituality. Blocked chakras cause problems that can affect both physical and psychological health.
So we walk into the shop, and I was instantly attracted to an oblong, polished piece of garnet. I picked it up and said, “I have always been really attracted to garnet.” The lady behind the counter said, “It helps clear problems with the root chakra.”
Since this is the major area of concern at the moment, I was kinda joyfully surprised.
“That’s funny. I’ve recently discovered I have a blockage there.”
She took me back to the garnet section and told me to find a type and piece that called to me. After picking up and looking at several stones, I picked up an unpolished, raw chunk, and my fingers kinda locked. Holding it in my hand, I felt a little dizzy and my face started to feel flush.
While this was happening, N, C and M were also exploring. They’d found a small room in the center of the full of lamps inside giant pieces of quartz and other white or pink stones. When I passed by the room, they called me in.
Stepping into the room, it was almost like I felt a burst of energy coming out the back of my head. My fingers were tingling.
“Do you feel that?” K said. I think I shook my head yes. I can’t really remember what she and N did next, but they mentioned something about being able to pass energy from one to the other. They mostly felt it in their hands. After feeling this insane sensation for a few minutes, I headed back to the front counter.
When I told the lady about my face feeling flushed, she said it was the uninterrupted energy flowing through my body. I also mentioned the feeling of energy shooting from my head and hands inside the lamp room. She said it was the intended response, then handed me a book and told me to go read more about garnet while sitting in that room.
SO garnet: It is for people who have lots of dreams, but have a hard time manifesting them. It helps entrepreneurs, artists and writers realize their ideas and understand how to make them real. Garnet also helps attract the ideas and people that we need.
The crazy thing about the lamp room is that the longer I sat in there, the more energized and peaceful I felt. There was so much energy that I started to see webs in my vision. The back of my head started to tingle. It was so bizzare.
Back at the counter to return the book, a different lady was there. She was doing some yoga stretches. I was ready to purchase my rocks. I mentioned garnet stones, needing my root chakra unblocked and the flush feeling in my face.
She looked at me and said “You’re not ready to settle down yet. You have a few more years before that’s supposed to happen. You have very healthy energy, and what ever problems you might be having won’t be that way for long. You’ll get what you want if you just keep working towards it. You also sometimes forget about your body and being physical. You need to tie together your dreamy, spiritual world with the physical world.”
When I told her I thought I was ready to settle down, start a family, have kids, she said, “You’ve got a couple more years.”
Back in the lamp room with N, K and M. They were laughing and smiling. The formerly grouchy M was smiling and calm. They all commented on how red my face was. So interesting.
When we left the rock store, I felt amazing. Inside the store had some affect on my body that felt emotionally overwhleming–like all the vibrations had affected me. We all felt completely recharged and awake. It was so interesting. I really can’t explain why it happened.
So after all of that, I started thinking about our bodies and spirituality. Although I’ve studied Buddhism since I was little, I’ve always had a fear of believing in crystals and stuff. I’ve always thought it was believe in false idols and might be against God. All of that changed today.
I guess what I realized was that we do have separate components. A human is made up of the physical body and the energy inside it. In western medicine, we think we know the physical body and try to cure problems with medicine–but I don’t think all of our physical conditions are caused by physical ailments.
Thinking about energy: I’ve always felt energy in plants and animals–the spark of life, but I’ve always been a bit skeptical. What I experienced today was a very hyper-real awareness of the presence of energy when I entered. And I felt a hyper-real lack of that same energy when I left. And I can’t deny that.
Continuing to think about energy and its affect on our body. If we are indeed made of energy, various vibrations of moving atoms or what not, then interaction between vibrations can affect us. Like, think about the way a glass full of water will ripple when near a deep bass speaker. It’s easy for me to think that the vibrations of the different rocks and minerals can also affect our energy bu changing vibrations or the rate at which our atoms move. So interesting.
Taking it further: How do the things in our life affect us? We carry mobile phones, watch TV’s, and we’re surrounded by machines vibrating or emitting noise. Blaring radios. Do these numb our energy?
In Berlin I lived in a flat that only had a radio. The heat was from a coal oven. The shower was a pump circulating water. I would keep my food in a box on the windowsill, using the cold winter to refrigerate my perishables. In addition to not having any electronic devices, the flat was full of plants. I always felt so calm and peaceful.
In my current living situation, there is always so much noise all the time. I don’t feel peaceful. I can’t wait to move. Six days until I have a space of my own. A space I can make into a peaceful, spiritual den.
But back to crystals and such. I know what I felt today inside that store. And I don’t think they are evil or witchcraft or anything. For me, I really think that God gave us all these tools and things, and as we’ve slowly moved away from the earth, we have forgotten how to use them. They aren’t charms or idols, they are stones with vibrations that affect our own energy. I don’t know about wrapping a rock with a wish or anything, but having the rock near you affects your vibrations. Interesting. Very interesting.
So, yeah, that was my day. It’s really hard to put the experience into something rational. I feel very clear, focused–but I can’t really find the words to describe it coherently.
Maybe some of you have had similar experiences or thoughts?
Moby talks about the true relationship between creator and audience
Saw this interview with Moby on CurrentTV. It really struck me as true for all media, not just musicians. It’s something I need to keep in mind as I move forward creating content for people to enjoy. The quote is at about 21 minutes in, or you can just read my transcript of it 
“For someone to give up an hour or two of their life to listen to the record I’ve made, they’re doing me a service. I think that the relationship between musician and audience at some point got turned on its head. Musicians started to feel as if the audience needed them. And the truth is I need an audience way more than the audience needs me. It’s my job to keep the audience interested. Not my job to keep radio interested. Not my job to keep the media interested. But those individuals who are willing to listen to my music interested.” –Moby
Goals for 2010
So yesterday I made my New Year’s Resolutions. To help me with those, I’m posting my goals for 2010. They don’t all have to do with the resolutions. Some are personal. Some are professional. Some are shooting for the stars. Some are minimums. Take a look:
- Continue growing Republic of Austin:
- Add staff and hone our focus to meet our reader community’s needs.
- Continue finding new ways to connect with our reader community.
- Throw 3 events that connect with three different segments of our reader community.
- Get better at webdesign, with a particular focus on WordPress and CSS.
- Complete a course.
- Build one site.
- Get better at Final Cut
- Complete a course.
- Launch Molotov Mocktail, the next experiential site focused on Self Sufficient Living, by March 2010.
- Learn to identify more edible plants for urban foraging.
- Record two songs. They can be silly.
- Have a DJ residency by February 2009, at least once a month.
- Spend more time with the people I love. Increase communication via phone or email with those who don’t live in my same city.
- Meditate once or twice a day.
- Get back into the gym to build muscles, 3 times a week. Continue biking for fitness everyday.
- Cook at least 4 dinners a week.
- Make lunch 4 days a week.
- Yoga 3 times a week.
- Try to take 3 trips outside of Texas by the end of the year.
- Write 3 short stories by the end of the year.
- Get me or my business in one national publication.
- Learn how to make soap and cleaning products.
2010 New Year’s Resolutions
In 2010 I resolve to be more assertive in asking for what I want or need.
In 2010 I resolve to become more self sufficient, producing more of the goods I consume and using less. (from last year)
In 2010 I resolve to balance my work and personal life by creating a definite boundary.
In 2010 I resolve to focus on goals that get me closer to my dreams and pursue them courageously.
In 2010 I resolve to be more open about expressing my love to those who deserve it.
Plus two carry-overs from last year’s resolutions:
In 2010 I resolve to worry less about the things I can’t control.
In 2010 I resolve to devote more energy to projects that help society.
Checking in on 2009′s Resolutions
There’s no other way to put it: 2009 was a year full of growth and learning. It was a beautiful and rough year, but one of the happiest years of my life. I feel like I’m on track, honing my skills and gaining a tighter focus on my vision. I’m also learning a lot about patience!
Ok, so I made 5 resolutions for 2009.
In 2009 I resolve to worry less about the things I can’t control.
In 2009 I resolve to devote more energy to projects that help society.
In 2009 I resolve to spend more time with family.
In 2009 I resolve to become more self sufficient, producing more of the goods I consume and using less.
In 2009 I resolve to be more courageous when pursuing my dreams.
How did I do?
In 2009 I resolve to worry less about the things I can’t control.
Well, I can say that I still worry. Do I worry less? Maybe. I think I worry about different things. This may need to be a resolution for 2010.
In 2009 I resolve to devote more energy to projects that help society.
This one was def met! The whole focus for Republic of Austin is on connecting people in Austin. Molotov Mocktail, the next site, takes what we’ve learned and are learning with Republic of Austin and brings it to a national level to focus on self sufficient and sustainable living.
In 2009 I resolve to spend more time with family.
Before I moved from SF, I spent more time with my older brother and his wife. Miss them so much. My younger brother and his wife moved from Austin to Chicago, BUT my cousin Ben moved to Austin! It’s been great hanging out with him, and I look forward to spending more time with him! Now if only my other cousins and my older brother would move to Austin!
In 2009 I resolve to become more self sufficient, producing more of the goods I consume and using less.
I think I may have failed this one. 
In SF I was really good about composting, recycling and cutting consumption. In Austin, my housemates haven’t been very supportive of those things–and it makes a huge difference. Gonna need to make this a resolution in 2010, fer shure. But Molotov Mocktail should help that!
In 2009 I resolve to be more courageous when pursuing my dreams.
If there was one resolution that sums up my 2009 experience, it’s this one. I left the comfort of San Francisco to move to Texas and work on building a media company. It’s been an amazing experience. 2010 is definitely going to be amazing. I can feel it.
So grateful.
My heart is glowing today. I’m so grateful for what I have. I’m thankful to be alive.
It’s been a year since I was laid off. In that year, I’ve moved to a new city to launch a company. I don’t have much money. I don’t have a lot of material things. But I do have a great team and I’m surrounded by people I love. The future looks so bright.
One of the things about Berlin that I loved was the sense of camaraderie and community that everyone had. Everyone was a struggling something-or-other, and everyone was living their dream. In San Francisco, it kinda felt like everyone was looking out for themselves, like some race to the top. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my colleagues at SHIFT and met tons of amazing people–but on the whole, everyone was really too busy to pursue the things they loved.
Austin reminds me of a level-headed Berlin. In Berlin, the frenzy of the city could get a little crazy. Austin, on the other hand, always feels nice and even keeled–even at its craziest. Whether in tech, music, art or even marketing, this city is full of so many creative people who gather in very active and vibrant communities. You don’t feel alone, and that’s makes a huge difference.
Kinda rambling, but the point is: I’m in a city I love, surrounded by people I love, doing what I love.
My Old Geocities Bio from Feb 2000
SO, um, Geocities is closing tonight. Here’s the bio I wrote for my Geocities site in Feb of 2000. Can you tell I was 1) young and 2) had ADD? It’s funny, I still sorta have the same writing style on the blogs. 10 years ago, I never thought I’d be writing daily!
Not sure if any of the links still work. Click at your own risk.
Bio
My name is Apollo Twelvethirteen….well, not really. The internet is all about chosen identities, so I chose this one.
Apollo comes from the Sun God. He’s awesome! He is the god of music, truth, and healing. He is all about balance in one’s life and he has the body I want. Plus, if you noticed on the opening page, I have a sun tattoo on my chest. I got it when I was 18, and it was my first tattoo. I have a moon with three stars on my torso, in order to balance out the sun. That was tattered on me when I was 19. I considered many different styles for it, but I ultimately modeled the design after the simple moon on the Conan O’Brien show. I love nature and there is something mysterious about the sun and the moon. Night and day, This may sound weird, but it’s something that I think describes me a little. Last summer, I was at the library, and I stumbled on to this book about tattoos and piercings. I quickly turned to a listing of common tattoos and their meanings. It so happens that the sun represents masculinity and the moon represents feminity. I always knew that, but hadn’t thought about it like. I would say that I’m a balance of those aspects. I have a sensitive side, but I’m still tough (or something). Anyway: Both the sun and moon are simple outlines. The stars are in color..the three being blue, green, and purple. I like the simple aspet of the outlines. My third, and final, (for now) tattoo is on my back, shoulder blade area. It’s an equilateral triangle with the Eye of Osiris in the center. It looks similar to the eye of the Illuminati, but it’s not. Osiris is the Egyptian god of enlightenment. Thus, when combined with the equilateral triangle, we have the following theory: a balance of mind, body and spirit equals enlightenment. One of my good friends and I designed and got these tattoos when I was…20? My friend, Skip, also has the eye of osiris, although it’s not stylized like ours are. I don’t know if that balance causes enlightenment, but it does keep me healthy. If you haven’t noticed, I love duality, and threes. Like De La Soul says “3 is the magic number”. Good things come in two’s and threes….(Skip, you know what I’m talkin ’bout, playa! 
)
Twelvethirteen is from my birthday. I was born on December 13th, XXXX [REDACTED] in Dallas, Texas. I went to school, played sports, partied, did my photgraphy and art, and graduated High School in 19XX [REDACTED] in the top 5%. I’m not a super dork. I partied all throughout High School. Now, when I say party, I don’t mean your average house party. Well, it is a house party, house being the music played (also my favorite), but what is referred to commercially as a “rave”. I started partying when I was 15, and I still party 8 years later. The rave culture raised me. Many people would like to toss it off as a place where people take illegal drugs and stuff, but it really is more than that. Partying taught me about unity, respect, love and spirituality. People of all walks of life getting together and just dancing it all off. It’s not an open act of rebellion, like the hippie movement. It’s just us doing our thing. Nothing more, nothing less. Our thing happens to be something that our culture has lacked for so long: the idea that music connects and heals. House music is pure happiness. Dancing is like meditation in motion. Well, all the idealism aside, it’s also a great place to hangout with your friends, and it’s not as trashy as clubs.
I go to the University of Texas at Austin. I’m a fifth year senior. I major in Anthropology and Spanish. I love both of them so much. Yes, anthropologists dig up bones and talk about evolution, but I don’t do that aspect of anthropology. I study evolution, in a way, but evolution of the mind and society. In technical words: social or cultural anthropology. I love social theory. My big three theorists are: Michel Foucault, Pierre Bourdieu, and Raymond Williams. Look them up at the library. They can be really complex, but it’s stuff that you probably are already aware of, so hang in there!! Look for a whole page devoted to Social theory, soon! (WOW!!) The other love of my life is Spanish. This language is so beautiful. Well, I love language in general. Learning a new language is like opening a gateway to a whole new world! I have learned Japanese, Italian, and a little French. My native language is English, but, living in Texas, Spanish is my second. My daily babysitter spoke spanish all the time when I was a kid, and so did the other children. I love Spanish! Mexico is such a place rich with culture! Imagine: thousand year old pyramids in the heart of one of the most urban cities in the world! Boggles the mind…well, at least in America! My number one writer is Gabriel Garcia Marquez. One Hundred Years of Solitude is the best book ever. I love Spanish American Literature (especially modern lit!). I’m also getting into Spanish Literature.
I love music, reading, dancing, art…well, I love Life! I love all my friends and family. I do have my moments, of sadness, but they roll away. You can read about my likes on their own pages!! Yes, soon!!
After graduation: Well…not sure yet. I do want to go to graduate school, but I NEEED a break. Plus, I’m not really sure in what. Anthropologists can really do a lot ranging from marketing to teaching. I want to incorporate my Spanish into my job. Art will always be in my life. I also write. I have won contests for my photgraphy. Some stuff has even been published. I do sketches, acrylics, collages, everything. I write poetry and short stories. I think I’m a good writer. Since this is MY webpage, look for a showcase of my works, SOON! I want to move to…hmmm…New York, Italy, or Spain. Two of my good friends, as well as a wonderful cousin, aunt, and uncle all live in NYC. I can’t wait…Bright lights, big city. New york, new york, big city of dreams. My grandparents moved OUT of NYC many years ago. When I told them I wanted to move there, they asked”Why?” My reply was: “I want to go back to my roots!” Honestly, I think New York is probably the center of the world. I know that pretty nationalistic, but it’s what I feel. My aunt would laugh and say “It’s really not all that”. Well, she wouldn’t use THOSE words, but that would be my translation.
That brings me to my family. I had a mom and dad…for a few months. Then something happened, and my mom was alone with me. She is a lawyer. She then married my step-dad when I was..4ish. She also had my little brother shortly there after. It was hard growing up. We didn’t like each other that much. Now, however, he is my best-friend. I love my brother more than anyone. He is a lot like me, but with a twist. He likes math. Well, “like” is the wrong word. He LOVES math. He probably knows almost everything about me, which I think is hard for anyone to say. It scares me sometimes, since who wants someone to know EVERYTHING about you (Mikey, notice I said “almost”). But it’s also awesome, since I know he’s always there for me, and I will be there for him. He also sleeps A LOT. But he is a growing boy. 19 is pretty tough. He goes to my school, the University of Texas @ Austin. I know this is going to sound so Texan, but: It’s the best and biggest school. SIZE DOES MATTER!! We have great academics and sports (Hook ‘em Horns!).
My Grandparents are 2 of the most important people in my life. I love them so much. They have given me guidance throughout my life. They are truly wonderful people with beautiful souls. My grandfather is a strong figure. He has helped me understand control and respect. He has given me all kinds of advice on jobs, money, sports, you name it! My grandmother has helped me understand spirituality, beauty, love, and acceptance. Plus, they are very beautiful and healthy, and I’m glad I’ve got great genes!! I hope I look that good when I’m older!!
My aunts (and all their husbands, my uncles) have been very supportive of me. They all have their own personalities that have added so much to my life. I love seeing them the 2 or 3 times a year we all get together. They’re all witty and fun. There is no other family I’d rather be in! Mimi, John, Sally, Christos, Judy, and Bob you guys rock!! (Sally, these aren’t in any particular order!)
And finally, the three points of light that are seriously THE raddest kids in the world, my cousins: Eleni, Ben and Natty. Eleni is the beautiful, delicate, sophisticated New York Flower who can still survive tough broken bones. She’s gonna be a great athlete and, of course, a very smart woman soon! Well, not THAT soon, but she is VERY lady-like! Ben is the rugged, pensive, creative, action-packed space robot that lives in DC AND he speaks Spanish. Natty is the loving barbie doll angelic brittney spears who also plays soccer in Galveston. I keep their pics on my fridge.
Well, what else? Oh, I have my own apartment (woo hoo)! It’s full of toys (like KID’S toys, nothing else…this is the internet so I KNOW there is at least one perv thinking I meant something else)! I have a TV. My stereo is the center piece of my life. The floors are hard wood, and I dance all the time. It’s ALWAYS a mess, but I do clean it (then mysterious elves mess it up). Someone once told me that they act like they are surprised it is messy when they come over (like every other day) and I say “I’m sorry my apartment is so messy.”
My friends rock! I’d list all of them, but there’d be fighting that would seriously cause the next world war. They know who they are. They know I love them. They know I’m difficult (Mr. Bowlofsnax, Skippence). It’s hard being a superstar (Jacinda). Seriously, hopefully they all understand <wink, wink, nudge, nudge> that I may not call, but I’m thinking about them. I’m lazy. Dialing the phone can be so hard(Pablo, Matt, Max,Paige, Marin)! E-mail can sometimes be too much.(Adam, Angie, Dana, Ms. Jamie B). Shouts out to the EMO crew (keepin it real for the year 2000!) the whole 21st St crew, all my boys that have been down since day one, 626 soul, Hazy Daze, and anyone who has touched me with their presence. And thank you Mr. Derrick Carter for spinnin the grooves that make it easier to keep smilin!
If you want to know anything else, just ask me! I’m always full of stories about my life (as if you couldn’t tell!)
Hip Hop Gave Me Dreams.
Hip Hop gave me dreams. Grunge couldn’t. That’s why I was def more rap. Dreams.
Thanx and <3 to Christopher Wallace, aka Notorious B.I.G. Biggie’s “Juicy” has kept me moving up since I was little. That song always makes me cry. On the realz.
It was all a dream/ I used to read Word Up magazine/ Salt’n'Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine/ Hangin’ pictures on my wall/Every Saturday Rap Attack, Mr. Magic, Marley Marl/ I let my tape rock ’til my tape popped/Smokin’ weed and bamboo, sippin’ on private stock/ Way back, when I had the red and black lumberjack/ With the hat to match/ Remember Rappin’ Duke, duh-ha, duh-ha/ You never thought that hip hop would take it this far/ Now I’m in the limelight ’cause I rhyme tight/ Time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade/ Born sinner, the opposite of a winner/ Remember when I used to eat sardines for dinner/ Peace to Ron G, Brucey B, Kid Capri Funkmaster Flex, Lovebug Starsky/ I’m blowin’ up like you thought I would/ Call the crib, same number same hood It’s all good
[Chorus]
You know very well who you are/ Don’t let em hold you down, reach for the stars/ You had a goal, but not that many/ cause you’re the only one I’ll give you good and plenty
How to Care for Introverts
Found this scan over at Austin Kleon. Many of the important people in my life are introverts and I’m an extra-extrovert (mostly). I need to remind myself of these things.
(via AUSTIN KLEON : TUMBLELOG).
