skrapnel

In the novel, I wanted to look at the problems that occur when one’s individual perceptions don’t sync up with those of the outside collective.  The next book is going to be a study of how our impressions of people are shaped by the opinions of the group.  In preparing for both books, I’ve been reading psychology and philosophy books that discuss individual and collective perceptions.  So far, the best has been a Buddhist psychology book by Thich Naht Hahn called “Understanding Our Mind”.

Our perception of the world is based on our past experiences and the collective perceptions we share with society, our family and our friends. When we add more personal experiences to our lives, we can calibrate our perceptions against those we have learned from others.

When I play back the moments in my life that define the perceptions of the moment I’m in, it’s always like a movie: The action takes place in the present, even though I’m aware it is actually in the past. I am all the experiences leading to this moment, but the person from 5, 10 or 20 years ago is not the same.  I’ve changed.

In Austin, I’ve been constantly aware of the perceptions and experiences I had in college.  It’s been a process of rediscovery and reconciliation.  It offers the chance to look at my past ideas, compare them with my current ideas, and then decide which make sense.  It’s kinda like recalibration of my perceptions–rebuilding myself based on who I was then with the experiences I’ve had up to now.  It’s an interesting process that is difficult at times.  Do people who’ve lived in one place all their lives ever experience this?

Moving to Austin hasn’t been as easy as I expected.  I thought the transition would be less bumpy when going back to a place where I had lots of friends from college.  I was wrong.

Talking to one of my good friends in SF really helped put things into perspective:

He’s right: Building friendships takes time.  Even getting reacquainted to old friends takes time.  If I’m worrying about things not “falling into place,” then I’m wasting energy that could be poured into other things, like the book, the new site or my own health.

Thanks, Jason!

Logged into Facebook on Tuesday and saw this update from my good friend and former roommate Aaron:

After years of separation and a pending divorce, I’ve recently started dating again.  With dating comes searching anxiety, constant self evaluation and the fear of rejection.  After you’ve been with someone for awhile, these fears slowly fade but a lingering, nagging voice questions, “Is this really the one?”  As you  move through engagement and on to marriage, that voice vanishes, leaving a sense of peace; the drive to find your other half is gone. You are complete.

When I saw Aaron’s post on Facebook, I remembered that peace and instantly grinned from ear-to-ear.  Aaron is such an amazing person who has overcome so many struggles.  When I watch him and Christian interact, I see the shared love and mutual goals of two people acting as one complete being.  That vision of unity is no different than the one I see shared between my brother and his wife.  And my reaction to his engagement wasn’t any different:  My heart glowed with elation because any love in this world raises the presence of peace within all of us.

We all deserve to love, be loved and register our love with the government.  The papers, the ring, the ceremony.  These are symbols that represent a declaration of and commitment to mutual goals.  To me, it’s silly that a person or a state would want to withhold that joy from someone.  The state’s job is to protect–not limit–personal freedoms.  It’s time that people stop the hateful, hurtful lies  and remember that marriage is about love.

Congratulations, Aaron and Christian! And congratulations to every couple, straight or gay, who continues to bring love into the world.

Was looking up pictures of Jasmine flowers on Google and found this poem.

Do Not Give Up!

Do not give up!

He who gives up

Never reaches the Satisfaction-Shore.

Who knows?

Each attempt of yours may bring you

Many exceptionally heart-enlightening

Heaven-prosperities.

– Sri Chinmoy.

via Helpful Meditation Links — Sri Chinmoy Centre.

The current novel is really dark.  At first I was intimidated by what people would think about me.  I didn’t want to be judged, but at the same time, I needed to explore that side of myself.  As with all of my art, I felt like I had to get it out.

Dreamers, artists, innovators often need to be reminded that we should never give up on our dreams.  We should never be intimidated by our struggles or what others might say or think.  By being true to our vision, we are finding ourselves and our souls.

Every story and experience adds another dab of paint to the human picture.