skrapnel

Just got home from the Roaries, our first Austin music awards. It was awesome. The people who came really got it.

So many amazing people helped put the show together. So many people surprised me with their support. And a few people made my heart explode with thanks.

Sometimes things click, and you realize: These people care about me. They want me to win.

Those are the people that are keepers.

And I love them. With all my heart. Without them, I am nothing.

Thank you.

So I just submitted an essay to win a trip to the National Press Foundation Awards Dinner. The assignment was to explain why journalism still matters in 100 words or less. Here’s what I wrote:

In an age in which it’s easy to peer through the anonymous and lifeless window of the computer monitor, we need journalism to wake us up from information overload. By connecting us with victims of war or natural disaster, or simply with members of our own community, journalists take the world and break it down into digestible pieces of people and places, emotions and events. They help us remember what’s important: We are all connected by our own humanity. As the world becomes increasingly more global, we need that reminder now more than ever.

Wish me luck!  This is part of pursuing my goals more courageously. If I win, it’d be a huge opportunity. If I don’t, I’m proud of myself for putting it out there. A younger Chris would have rationalized all the reasons NOT to submit, or would have just let the opportunity pass me by.

For most of my life, I was scared to ask for things. I used to think it was because I didn’t want to come across as needy, but now I’m starting to realize that I was scared of rejection.  Since rejection is another form of failure, it was easier to NOT ask for things and not risk anything than it was to perhaps be a failure.

Well, that’s all changed. I’m not scared of failure. In fact, I’d rather fall on my face trying than play it safe in the corner. And this thinking is new to me. It’s something I’ve wanted for years, but until I started living and doing–and asking–I never really understood.

Sometimes it feels like riding a wave. It’s going so quickly. If I hesitate, I’ll fall. But at times I’m scared I’m gonna flip over, or crash into something. But I have to relax and know that it’s totally ok; if I crash, I can just pick up my board and get back on the next wave.

So that’s the first step: Addressing the fear of failure. Now I’m moving to step 2: Asking for what I want. It was awkward at first–and I think it came across as awkward. But I’m starting to get the hang of it. And if someone says no, that’s cool. I’ll just figure out how to change my approach, and try it again on someone else.

And no, I’m not talking about dating–but that will probably be affected by the sense of confidence that the experience of the last year has given me.

Do you have problems asking for stuff? Or fear of failure? How did you overcome it? Or are you still struggling?