skrapnel

So two days ago I finished my first novel.  This morning, it just started sinking in. Without being too navel-gazey, just want to reflect.

The idea for the project was spawned by a nightmare I had in Berlin 4 years ago, so it’s taken awhile to manifest into a novel.

The whole experience was a learning process.  With each chapter, I watched my voice mature.  I learned how to notice my signs of procrastination and how to resist them.  During editing, I learned how to remove myself and slice, dice and polish without taking it personal.

Anyway, today it feels like there’s a weight lifted off my shoulders. I’m ready to start the next venture!

Thanks to my friends and family for the support!

Moving to Austin hasn’t been as easy as I expected.  I thought the transition would be less bumpy when going back to a place where I had lots of friends from college.  I was wrong.

Talking to one of my good friends in SF really helped put things into perspective:

He’s right: Building friendships takes time.  Even getting reacquainted to old friends takes time.  If I’m worrying about things not “falling into place,” then I’m wasting energy that could be poured into other things, like the book, the new site or my own health.

Thanks, Jason!

Getting really excited about launching the site. It finally feels like it may come together!

My favorite video so far is one that we took at ArtErotica.  You’ll have to wait to see the finished product, so for now content yourself with these screengrabs:

Trying to figure out what to do for the intro

"Hmmm...Should we be silly or serious?"

Since I decided on silly AND potty mouth, this take didn't make the final vid. (I said the F-word!)

About to interview Scott Bellew, one of the Co-Chairs of the event

Logged into Facebook on Tuesday and saw this update from my good friend and former roommate Aaron:

After years of separation and a pending divorce, I’ve recently started dating again.  With dating comes searching anxiety, constant self evaluation and the fear of rejection.  After you’ve been with someone for awhile, these fears slowly fade but a lingering, nagging voice questions, “Is this really the one?”  As you  move through engagement and on to marriage, that voice vanishes, leaving a sense of peace; the drive to find your other half is gone. You are complete.

When I saw Aaron’s post on Facebook, I remembered that peace and instantly grinned from ear-to-ear.  Aaron is such an amazing person who has overcome so many struggles.  When I watch him and Christian interact, I see the shared love and mutual goals of two people acting as one complete being.  That vision of unity is no different than the one I see shared between my brother and his wife.  And my reaction to his engagement wasn’t any different:  My heart glowed with elation because any love in this world raises the presence of peace within all of us.

We all deserve to love, be loved and register our love with the government.  The papers, the ring, the ceremony.  These are symbols that represent a declaration of and commitment to mutual goals.  To me, it’s silly that a person or a state would want to withhold that joy from someone.  The state’s job is to protect–not limit–personal freedoms.  It’s time that people stop the hateful, hurtful lies  and remember that marriage is about love.

Congratulations, Aaron and Christian! And congratulations to every couple, straight or gay, who continues to bring love into the world.

Maine signed another same-sex marriage. And that’s awesome. What was even more awesome, however, were these two passages in the New York Times article:

“It’s not the way I was raised and it’s not the way that I am,” the governor said in a telephone interview. “But at the same time I have a responsibility to uphold the Constitution. That’s my job, and you can’t allow discrimination to stand when it’s raised to your level.”

…

The House chamber in Augusta was thick with emotion on Tuesday as many legislators openly wept and revealed personal details. One told her colleagues for the first time that she has a lesbian daughter; another wept as he explained that he, as a white man, would not have been able to marry his wife of 25 years, who is black, if a law had not been changed. Other legislators spoke of sleepless nights debating how to vote.

via Maine Governor Signs Same-Sex Marriage Bill – NYTimes.com.

The first quote sums up my feelings EXACTLY as to why the gov needs to drop the BS and get rid of separate but equal — or even separate and nothing at all.

When I read the second passage, I envision this cathartic, almost religious confessional of all these secrets that people had been scared to reveal because they were afraid of being labeled or judged by their colleagues.  Instead of reinforcing the stereotypes and perpetuating fear, these brave men and women decided to open up, follow their hearts and allow love and equality to prevail.

For my generation–and those younger than me–the labels of gay, straight, black, white, man, woman don’t mean anything.  It’s time we let go of all of these labels and hang ups and start solving this country’s problems (poverty, education, etc.).  Will we be able to do it? Or are we headed for another 1960′s-like culture war?

[SPOILER ALERT: If you ever plan on watching "Full Metal Jacket," don't read this. You probably shouldn't watch the embedded video, either.]

Just watched Kubrick’s “Full Metal Jacket” for the first time as an adult.

“What?” you say. “Aren’t you the biggest Kubrick fan this side of the Mississippi?”

Apparently not.  I mean, I own all the Kubrick films and know them all by heart–except “Full Metal Jacket.”

When I was a kid, I remember coming into the living room while my parents were watching it.  It felt so heavy–not in intelectual material, but in mood.  This time around, however, I saw the beautiful cinematography and dark, fun house mirror wit that I love in all his movies.  I shouldn’t be that surprised; I hated “A Clockwork Orange” when I first saw it at 16.  Today, it’s probably my favorite movie of all time.

Kubrick’s genius really shines in the final scene:

By choosing to have the troops sing the Mickey Mouse Club theme song as they march silhouetted by flaming destruction, Kubrick ties three themes together:

1. The journey from boy to man
   • Typical of most war movies, we see the main character grow from fresh faced recruit to hardened soldier.  This song, however, is effing intense. These guys probably sang this song along with the TV as kids.  Now they are singing it together as a shared nostalgia that not only binds them, but also serves to show the contrast between childhood and adulthood; innocent naivety and killed-a-man experienced.
   • Or maybe, it shows that these guys are still boys having to live as men. Hmmmm….
2. Camaraderie and the solidification of a group
   • They’re singing about being members of a club, holding banners high, working in harmony and the shared nostalgia/experience mentioned above.  The inviting lyrics could also be mistaken for recruiting.
3. Notion of the American ideal of bringing freedom, even if through force, to the rest of the world
   • Mickey Mouse is a symbol for America.
   • The lyrics are upbeat, inviting people around the world to join a club.  The soldiers singing this as they march across a conquered land in order to eradicate communism and forcibly bring freedom make those lyrics ironic.

When I was little, my grandfather would play an old Mickey Mouse Club record.  I remember marching around, gleefully raising my mom’s old baton up and down while singing the theme song with joy.  There isn’t that same vigor in the voices of these soldiers.  They have to make themselves joyful. By singing this particular song, they are able to grasp on to any last scrap of  humanity or any distant memory of innocence.  Brilliant.

Anyway, just same late night wanderings.  What do you think?